The end of an intriguing year is round the corner. The year which changed everything in my life. The year in which I learnt to fight, to laugh in pain, to enjoy the suffering, to take risks for the things I badly wanted and importantly I learnt to live. And the sweetest part of it was to realize how much I love her and in fact I learnt I love her more than what I used to when she was with me . Surprisingly that isn’t showing any signs of bowing down to the force of time. Finally, it is the year which brought me to this beautiful place. And if not for her I wouldn’t have been here, because she was one of the important reasons I came here.
I haven’t totally sunk into this place yet, so what I have is just broken words to talk about it. A place that’s bustling with activity for the first 4 days, which is wild for the next 2 days and deserted on the last day.Wide roads, unpredictable weather, short skirts, mini-skirts and no skirts. A land where beer is cheaper than water,cheesy stink every where,an accent that chokes you, food that kills your taste buds, rules, money, hot girls, clubs, middle finger(it’s as cool as a hand wave) ,ice in freezing water, snooping cops, fuck, ass and bitch(the words which are used as gracefully as hello and hi).
My stay has been exciting so far but not without hiccups every now and then. At a point of time things went so bad that I wanted to go back desperately. And once again if not for her I would have come back like a coward, far away from me her memories still keep driving me forward.
One of the other reasons(apart from her) I came this far was to learn. Be it about myself, life or education it isn’t falling short of my expectations so far. I missed home, that made me realize the importance of home and parents ,which I hardly respected all these years. I missed my friends, that forced me to be a friend first and apparently I made new and rather important ones. My work here was a nightmare(and it still is the same), that pushed me harder and tested my worth instead of insulting my worth. I boozed until I puked and did crazy things, that reminded me of those few principles I laid down for myself long back. I fell sick, horribly sick, that showed me who cared for me . I had a hard time understanding the accent here, that forced me to speak more and listen better( I still remember those initial days where the black lady in the subway would ask me ‘wakaing’…and it took me few visits to understand what she really meant was what kind of sub(wakaing) and I still go to that place to just hear that lady which reminds me how much I have changed)… I don’t have enough time for myself and not enough time to sleep either. This made me realize the value of time and sleep. I manage my time better now and as far as time for myself is concerned, every midnight at around 2 I walk back home alone and those 2 minutes is the only time I need to talk to myself and to keep me going for the next day. I met new people who taught me people can’t be good or bad,it’s only our relations which can take either side. I lost some serious weight. I feel better now, so I look better now. My body feels light and my heart feels lighter. Talking about my heart, every now and then the smoke from my past comes flying into my eyes reminding me the pain of losing her. In a way I feel that’s good for that is making sure I don’t turn into a heartless stone. Finally, the question ‘Did I give up walking for the sake of flying’ keeps popping up once in a while. And the irony is that sometimes I feel I am neither walking nor flying. But it didn’t take me much effort to realize I will have my moments to fly and moments to walk. All I got to do is, wait for those moments.
Although some things still concern me like calls from back home at odd time sends jitters into my life. Choking distance from my best friend gives me restless moments every day. My attempts to find someone to teach me how to write hasn’t gone well either and many more. However, I realized my life is right on track only when things are not going good. I have to be worried only when things are going my way. My life was never supposed to be easy and I will never let it run easy myself. And I chose this life because I didn’t want to reach that point of time again in my life where I don’t have the strength to look back and no hope to move forward. I have to stay awake to be alive and I would not have ended up in a better place than this to keep me awake. The beauty of this place is its weather, it’s so unpredictable and never constant, it’s more like a mirror reflecting my own life. Every experience here is a chance for me to get better, every second I live here is a step towards being happy from being contended, and every person that comes into my life here is destiny, meant to change my life in some way.
